A Piece of Pie for Mom

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Anonymous

I got a message from my mom today. I get a message from her every couple of days. Most of the time, I don't call back. Not right away, anyway. Not out of disregard but out of the feeling that she understands more than anyone on this planet why I couldn't call back just then. There have been many seasons, indeed entire years, when I did not understand nor admonish mom. In those seasons, I made decisions that would carry me far from her and far from myself. Indeed, we are family and in every family there are humans- that is to say imperfection. Hurt. Regret. Dysfunction. But in those pains, a chance for understanding the total inventory of one's life. Indeed, I have been blessed with more chances for understanding my own inventory than I have had the fortitude for-- Yet, anyway.

I may have mentioned that I was raised by a single mom. She didn't really care for pie either, at least most of the time. It has not been until recent events in my own life that I have come to glimpse the amount of times that she actually made pie to serve to 4 oblivious kids while she sat with a watering mouth. She was far from perfect but for all of her faults, I can say this: I always knew that I had a lion in my corner that sat ready to pounce on anything that threatened my life. My potential. My happiness. A best friend, a spouse nor child can never replicate that level of instinctual love--never.

I've been reading The Rest of Her Life this month. What it has done is put me back in perspective of the continuum of mother-daughter-mother of a daughter...the reality of those overlapping, complicated relationships. I was in a car accident when I was in my teens that resulted in tragedy [which is also, coincidentally, the outline for this book]. I've been reflecting, retrospectively, on what my mother must have gone through during that time. For anyone that rallies claims that fiction is pure fantasy or lacks opportunity for application in our lives...well, they don't read fiction. This book has taken me to a place that I had neither expected nor found anywhere else in recent years. I respect my mom more tonight for having read fiction. I want to live more fully with my daughter tonight for having read fiction. I'll never really know what it meant for my mom to watch the pain that I both caused and was going through, while I spent the energy I had pushing her away. I've looked at my daughter this week and thought about the years I hope to be blessed with ahead. As she sleeps tonight, I imagine all the times that my mom wanted nothing more than to shelter me from pain-- and the ache for the times that she could not. And still can not.

This week, mom, I want you to know that you are the one person on this planet that I know has always been and will always be on my side [when I do call back]. Even when you weren't. Even when I didn't want you to be. Even when I don't think you are. I've taken you for granted but I know you understand--even when you don't. If I could, I bake a whole pie and deliver it to you on Sunday. I-- at the very least-- owe you that. 

Comments

[ann]

I read this book in one sitting today-- amazing....